Hot Blonde Jokes

After a small clothing shop had just been burglarized, a detective was questioning the blonde owner about how much she had lost. “It’s pretty bad,” she said, “but not as bad as it could have been had he robbed me yesterday.” “Why would you say that?” the detective asked, to which the blonde replied ”Because everything was on sale today!”

This hot blonde has a delivery for you, but do you have enough lead in your pencil to sign for her package?

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says “Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to start it.”

Her friend asks “What is it a puzzle of?”

The blonde says “From the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

The blonde’s friend figures that he’s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: “First, no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.”

A man was helping his blonde girlfriend clean out the trunk of her car. In the trunk, he found a bag labelled ‘Emergency Repair Kit’. When he looked a little closer, he noticed that there was a stick of dynamite inside the bag. Finding that a little strange, he asked the blonde what it was for. “It’s part of my emergency repair kit,” she replied. “I can see that, but why?” the man asked. “In case I get a flat and need to blow up one of my tires of course” the blonde explained.

A blonde was walking by an office building late one night and noticed a sign that read: Press bell for night watchman.” So, she did.

Soon she heard the watchman stomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally, he made his way through the revolving door.

“Well,” he growled at the blonde, “what do you want?” “I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it yourself?” the blonde replied.

A blonde virgin told her grandmother that she was finally going out on her very first date. Her grandmother said, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys….

He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do it.” She continued, “He is going to try to feel your breasts; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. He is also going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that either.” Then the grandmother said, “But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”

A blonde had just returned to the United States from a month-long European vacation. She’d been to England, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, and Switzerland.

When she had landed, her boyfriend met her at the airport, hugged her, and asked how she enjoyed her trip. “It was awful,” she grumbled. “The whole place was filled with foreigners.”

A man asked that the blonde painter, paint him in the nude. “Oh no!” replied the talented artist. “I’m sorry, but I don’t do that sort of thing.” “I’ll pay you double your normal fee,” the man offered. “No thanks!” she replied. “Ok, I’ll give you five times what you normally charge,” the man said. The blonde artist thought about it for a moment and replied, “Well, all right, but you’ll have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to put my brushes!”

A blonde female police officer pulls over a hot blonde woman in a convertible sports car for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blonde for her driver’s license. The blonde driver searches through her purse in vain until finally she asks, “What does it look like?”

The blonde police officer tells her, “It’s that thing with your picture on it.” The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it, and sure enough sees herself.

A blonde and a redhead were on an airplane when the engine blew and they were heading into a crash. Looking around inside the plane, they could only find one parachute and a flashlight. The redhead quickly grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to the blonde, “Ok, this is a magic flashlight. I’ll shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light. Then, I’ll follow you with the parachute.” The blonde looked at her skeptically and said, “Do you really think I’m that dumb? I know that as soon as I’m halfway down, you’re going to turn it off!”